Just One Thing, again

"Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of Creation. Oh my soul praise Him for He is thy help and salvation. All ye who hear, now to his temple draw near. Join me in glad adoration!"

I let go today. I had been holding on to something very precious, afraid that if I let go that I could lose it. God finally broke through, in His gentle way. He's been confronting me with this for the past while, and I was just too afraid. While acknowledging that He was big enough to bless me with all that He has for me, I was still afraid.

But He broke through tonight. I was able to release it, to let go, to do what I knew was right. That's the first part of my story.


melk played tonight, for the youth group lock-in at the YMCA. Here's what I wrote to God before we left to pick up the equipment and instruments.




"Dear God, I praise you for the truths that you are going to reveal to these kids tonight. Thank you for an opportunity to be you here on earth. We give back these talents and these songs, in an attempt to bless you. You have given them, it's not like we are able to present anything new to you. But even so, we seek to bless your name, as a small child would bless his father simply by the tiny gift given with such devotion. I do indeed give over my all tonight Father. I have been fighting you. But I surrender. Again. Jesus, I love you. It's a love that you give to me, to give to you. I love you because you first loved me. I love you because you are my purpose. I'm sorry for holding back, for not trusting. I have damaged our relationship, and I'm sorry. Will you hold me tight, and wash me clean? Even when I am looking over your shoulder, instead of at your face, you hold me. I am still your son. I am your chosen, beloved one. Your favorite one. You look at me and say, "There he is, the one that I have picked for this role. Only he can fill it. Choose me, choose life, little one. I love you will all of my being. My heart beats for you. I am your all, I am what you were created for. Let me fill you. Trust me. Release the thing you have been clinging so tightly to. I will tear it out of your hands if I have to, because it is more important for you to know me." Yes Father, yes Jesus, yes Lord. I bow my sad heart to the working and convicting of the Holy Spirit within me. I am sad, I am scared, worried that Your plan isn't enough. But I praise you for loving me enough to discipline me, for you only discipline those you love. I seek to be in you for this time of singing and worship tonight. I want to be lost in your glory, to rejoice in your beauty, to be captivated by your majesty . . . and I seek for YOU, who YOU are, YOUR REALITY to be communicated to these kids. If just one of them could know the reality and truth of who you are tonight, Father . . . it would be worth my death, it would be worth all the mistakes and problems that will inevitably occur. I love you Father."


As Justin and I drove there, we sang and prayed, participating in worship. I had been praying that the worship set would be about Jesus. That it would be worshipful, that the kids would be able to see the reality of Jesus. That it wouldn't be just one more band up front leading them in singing, like they do every week.

We got there, set up, ran through stuff, and had about twenty minutes before we were supposed to start. I slipped off to the room where we were going to meet to pray before playing. As I sat there, I felt so clean and washed, having let go of what I had been holding on to. And, I felt the presence of God! It has been so long since I really simply felt the reality of Jesus being right there, being real. Being present. I was so glad and excited, and amazed. This close, open communion is what I must have. Realizing of course that we do indeed go in cycles, not always being on a high with Jesus. But, the feeling and the complete connection to reality was such a blessing.

It's just such an amazing feeling, looking at the reality around us, the reality that I see - four walls, a ceiling, a floor - and being certain that Jesus is there too, that Jesus is real, and that Jesus loves me. It's the simple fact of His reality and love that just makes me so amazed and filled up with joy. It's so incredible, sitting there and looking at Jesus, and letting love wash over me. I feel so childlike, so simple, when I come before the throne like this. I don't ever, ever, ever want to lose this feeling of simply being with Jesus, being loved. I know this entire thing sounds quite absurd if you haven't experienced it. I am not sure how I would have responded to me in this situation, before I knew about this. But I pray that this story could bring you one step closer to knowing Jesus this way - as a real, loving individual, who simply enjoys being with you.

Anyway . . .

We started playing, the kids were singing. As we sang, some sang out to our Lord with all of their might. Some sang half-heartedly, with quizzical expressions on their faces. Some kids just sat there blankly. And at least half of the kids started conversations with their neighbors. In any other setting, and probably at any other time, I would have been a little offended. Here we were playing, and they're busy talking to their neighbor. More than that, they're ignoring this chance to worship God through song.

It was just as I was starting to get frustrated with the kids that the Holy Spirit reminded me of what I had prayed leading up to playing, and the true purpose that I had in being there - worshipping God myself. As long as I was worshipping God, it didn't really matter what the people around me were doing. And that principle, in fact, applies to all of life. Since all of life is worship, and our only purpose is to know Jesus more intimately each day, it doesn't really have to matter so much whether the people around us are worshipping God or not - as much as we want them to, and they should.

That is a very freeing principle. That nothing else matters other than intimacy with Jesus. I struggle to hold tight to that, but I do believe that simply knowing Jesus is the only goal/purpose we were created to fulfill in this life. And that then everything else comes out of that. The freedom comes from not having to worry about ANYTHING else! What other people are thinking (a big one for me, being free to just be who I am, not always checking to see how other people are responding - thank you Jesus from setting me free from that prison!), the activities other people are engaged in (it's just much more important for me to spend time knowing Jesus right now), the responsibilities that are pressing in, all the rest of life. Just one priority, just One Thing. This comes in part from Luke 10:41-42.


You can check out the context to brush up on the story and see how this fits into everything, but the basic principle is laid out right there. We get worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary chose to sit at the Master's feet, just intent on knowing Him. Everything else in life can be taken away from us - possessions, money, friends, family, spouses (eventually, for most of us), health, limbs, even our memory. But our relationship with Jesus, that cannot be taken away from us. If we are living for the next life, even while being engaged in living here, only the stuff that will last into the next life has much significance at all! Only people and God's word will last forever. My responsibility is to know Jesus, and allow everything else to come out of that. If you would like a definition of the word everything, talk to me. If you just can't see how something in particular could come out of the simple pursuit of God, talk to me. And when I say talk to me, I really mean talk to God, and I'd be more than willing to try to say God's words.


Just one thing, 'cause Jesus is REAL!!!!!!